我的上帝在中国为我打架

Hello from China, Friends! I'm sorry I've done such a terrible job at keeping up with my blog since I left. Things have been pretty crazy since I've been here, and quite honestly I can't believe I've only been here a little over a week. It was one full week, that is for sure! I am trying to send out update e-mails on a somewhat more regular basis though, so if you want to be on that e-mail list, just let me know (supersieg@gmail.com)! I've sent out one update, which is probably more informative than this blog post will be, so I can pass that on to anyone who’s interested. But moving on...

So I was reading my Bible yesterday morning, and I came upon these two verses that really hit home for me:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or dismayed before the king of Assyria and all the horde that is with him, for there are more with us than with him. With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God, to help us and to fight our battles... (2 Chronicles 32:7-8)

Basically, I felt like these verses summed up my adventures here in China so far. For those of you who kept up with my posts before I left the states, you are well aware that I was 'just slightly terrified' about coming to China. I didn't know what to expect... but, at least during the times I was having a hard time walking by faith, I definitely expected to be a disaster here--missing everyone back home, facing loneliness, and just struggling through life in general. God was so patient with me as I tried trusting Him for His faithfulness on this adventure on which He was about to take me. At times, I really was able to rest in Him and trust Him for those promises. At other times, I just fell apart and reverted back to the former fear. All of that said about my fears and expectations for this move… God has been so incredibly faithful and gracious to me. The more I reflect back on my time here, the more awed I am by His faithfulness. He is so good! The only way I have known to 'attempt' to explain this to the people I've talked to back home is that I haven't really been 'me.' I am just naturally a very anxious person, it takes me a long time to adjust to new things, I have a hard time getting to know people and being myself around people I’ve just met, etc. Yet somehow, that girl is not the girl that has been settling into life here in China. Don’t get me wrong… this has all been very out of my comfort zone, and this experience has been stretching me for sure. However, somehow I don’t ‘feel’ that stretched, and I have actually been rather loving and enjoying life here. Instead of being a nervous wreck about all of the training and teaching we were immediately thrown into—having to act completely ridiculous and teach in front of tons of Chinese parents and their kids and my co-workers and trainers and other trainees—I’ve just kind of… done it… without too much of a problem. I’ve also been able to, for the most part, just be myself around many of the new people I’ve met here… instantly clicking with many of them and foreseeing some really awesome friendships. Figuring out life without knowing the language is challenging as well, but I’ve just stepped out and done whatever I’ve needed/known to do, figuring it out as I go. Looking back over these last few sentences, I noticed a lot of ‘I’s’ when, in reality, God has to be doing all of this. That really is the only way I know how to explain it. Before coming here, God told me not to remember the former days—the days when I struggled through new things and lived in defeat for so long before He helped me rise above. He told me that He wanted to do something new… and all I know to say now is that… He really really has. He has done a beautiful new work in me. He is rising above my “arm of flesh” and fighting this battle for me—giving me victory in ways I’ve never experienced before. I am so grateful. I don’t know what this next year holds in store for me. I don’t know what battles I will face. I don’t know what plans the enemy has in store for me. But I do know now more than ever before that I can “be strong and courageous…not…afraid or dismayed…” and that “there are more with us than with…the horde that is with” the enemy. “With us is the LORD our God, to help us and to fight our battles.” God told me again and again before I came here that He was fighting for me. Sometimes I believed Him, and other times I didn’t know how to believe Him for that when I felt so defeated. But He has shown me just how much He meant that and how faithful He is to really fight for me. His words are more real than ever before: “I will never leave you nor forsake you”…even in China…so, even in China, I “can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me” (Hebrews 13:5-6)? Nothing... not when my God is fighting for me.