And then I realized that whenever I am alone these days, I seem to enter this 'can't function/cant get anything done/have mental and emotional panic attacks mode. It was so peaceful with Mom here, and I could get so much done; but as soon as she left, I didn't want to move a muscle to do anything to get ready for China. My mind started reeling, and I all of a sudden felt so so weak *yet again.* So I opened the Bible and picked up where I left off in Judges last. Israel yet again "did what was evil in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD gave them into the hands of Midian seven years. The power of Midian prevailed against Israel" (Judges 6:1-2). & then God had mercy on them yet again. He called Midian to lead them to battle against Midian... and I absolutely love the conversation that follows:
And the LORD turned to him and said, "Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you?" And he said to him, "Please, Lord, how can I save Israel? Behold, my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house." And the LORD said to him, "But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man."So first of all, God says "Go in this might of yours..." or as another version says, "Go in the strength you have"! As you keep reading, you'll quickly see how much strength that is...or is not, to be more accurate. Gideon's clan was the weakest around... and, on top of that, Gideon was the least in his family! So the strength that he had was pretty lacking, and Gideon quickly pointed that out to God. However, God didn't hesitate one moment. I can just picture God listening to Gideon spout off his spiel about how weak he is and then God saying, "I know, I know how weak you are. That's why I said, 'go in the strength you have'... it doesn't matter how weak you are, because I'm going with you!" Shabam. God doesn't call strong people, so that they are strong enough to accomplish things for His name. He calls weak people, so that He can accomplish things for His name through them.
The next really cool thing I got from this was over one more chapter. Gideon has gathered the army, God has weeded out the army so that there are only 300 men left to fight (so He can show everyone that HE was really doing the fighting), etc, etc... So Gideon has, so far, gone in the strength he had and been faithful in his weakness. Check out this verse:
Now the same night it came about that the LORD said to him, "Arise, go down against the camp, for I have given it into your hands. But if you are afraid to go down, go with Purah your servant down to the camp, and you will hear what they say, and afterward your hands will be strengthened that you may go down against the camp" (Judges 7:9-11).God knew Gideon so well. He knew that, despite his obedience and faithfulness in doing what God was calling, he was still afraid. & God didn't strike him down or chew him out for that fear. Instead, He met Gideon right where he was--so graciously comforting and strengthening him. That's the God I serve. He calls us to big, crazy, scary, illogical things--like taking a 300-man army up against... what, a 135,000-man army? But He walks right next to us into and through those big, crazy, scary, illogical things... providing the strength and comfort we need along the way, not to mention how He actually does the fighting for us.
How does the battle end? The Midianites flip out and start turning on each other with their swords... and the rest is history. How about God doing that fighting for us, hm?
Anyways, I'm feeling rather like a weak Gideon today. So that just means that I can go in the strength that I have and watch God do some world-rocking, eh?
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