A Broken String

So I broke a guitar string today. Except the strange thing is that 'I' didn't really break it. Actually, I don't know why it broke. So I decided that there had to be a reason, and maybe the reason was that God wanted to teach me something through it, so we're gonna go with that. :)

So I found out tonight--by accident--that my roommate might be leaving China. Apparently I wasn't supposed to know, because she didn't tell me. But my other co-worker did, without knowing I didn't know. It came as such a shock... and *not* a good shock, to say the least. I met my roommate last August in Richmond when we had a few days' training before moving to China. We found out then we would be roommates for our year in China. And since then, having her in my life has been more of a blessing than I can even explain. I'd say we're fairly similar in personalities, and we basically just hit it off since the beginning... probably since the first day of training when she said we should get a bubble machine and disco ball for our apartment. Umm... heck yes? :) Initially I had thought I didn't want a roommate, but now I wouldn't have it any other way. We've been on this whole China adventure together, and I can't imagine what it would have been like without her. I know God put us in each other's lives... He knew that we would need each other on this journey. All of the other American instructors here just have such different lifestyles that rooming together would have been tough. But Allison and I... we just fit. I know it wasn't an accident that we ended up here together... and the thought of that ending with 6 months left to go... was pretty much devastating. So as I got off the phone with my co-worker, I let it all sink in and tried not to overreact (which apparently is difficult for me, since I initially started crying when I found this out... ;). I started praying through it all and then decided to just spend some time praising God... because He does know what He is doing... He is good... He is worthy of our trust. So I pulled out my guitar and just started singing. It was a sweet time, although I ended it still just feeling really heavy. I then spent some time praying for Allison. And as I was finishing that, my guitar--which I had previously set gently on my bed--made a resounding 'poing' as one of the strings snapped in two. I hadn't touched it. I hadn't just finished playing it. I hadn't done anything to it. Why did a string snap? Well, for dramatic, over-reactive girl, apparently that was the last straw... or the last string (bahaha... come now, you know you laughed). So I started crying... again. I suppose the broken string was a better picture of how I 'wanted' to feel with the tough news I'd just gotten. And I don't know... something about it was just triggering... I had just recently finished getting my guitar fixed, so I could worship with it again... really the best way I know how to do that here. Why did a string have to break? I'm really not a guitar person, so much so I don't even know how to change a string. And now, as I innocently sat away from my guitar, without even touching it, this string had snapped... right as I was trying to figure out how to cope with this not-so-wonderful news. But even as I released some of that emotion that wanted out, I tried to figure out what I could learn from this. Connecting the two events in my mind, I realized that God is just as in control of mine and Allison's lives as He was of that string breaking. Now we can sit here and argue over whether or not God broke my guitar string. But it all comes down to this... He is an all-knowing God. I mean, good grief, He knows how many hairs are on my head--a number that is constantly changing, as you'd well know if you ever simply ran your fingers through my hair. He cares about the tiny details in my life. He knew when the string would break, as well as how it would affect me at that moment. So whether or not you agree, I believe that He decided to let that string snap... or maybe even flicked it Himself. But oh so much more than He cared about that completely un-noteworthy event, He cares so deeply about Allison's life... and about my life... and about how both of our lives will change if she leaves China. Just as I asked why the stupid string on my guitar had to break without me even touching it... I could ask why my dear friend/roommate/China journey partner may end up leaving me. But as much as I wonder if God had something to do with that string snapping... I know that He is in complete control of mine and Allison's lives and whether or not she will stay or go. Just as He knew that we were supposed to begin this journey together... He knows how it's supposed to end. He knows what the next 6 months should look like, and He is so very good. I can trust Him. I don't have to know what's going to happen. I don't have to understand why it has to happen. I can simply know that HE knows what's going to happen. And HE knows why it has to happen. And He is just good. So that... is beautifully reassuring. Sure, I'm still sad that it might happen. But I know that whatever happens, we'll be okay... actually, as I believe I've said once before on this blog, we'll be better than okay. :)