"Remember the Signs..."

Stand still. In a moment I will blow, but first remember, remember, REMEMBER THE SIGNS. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. Whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. Secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain, I have spoken to you clearly. I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain the air is clear, and your mind is clear. As you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs… and believe the signs. Nothing else will matter.

–Aslan

Wow, how perfect a summary of my time here. As I listened to The Silver Chair, by C.S. Lewis, today, this quote struck me quite beautifully. Jill Pole is about to go to Narnia for her first time. This is her first interaction ever with Aslan, so she doesn’t know his normal method of interacting with the children and his mysterious appearing and disappearing. He gives her such clear instructions, and everything makes sense in that moment. But He then gives her a warning about the lack of clarity that is to come… My brain didn’t have to work to hard to connect this to my own life. About this time 2 years ago, God filled my life with this kind of clarity. He absolutely showed Himself to me in ways I had never experienced Him; He blew my mind with His power, goodness, and involvement in my life; He brought me to a place of being so in love with Him… because I saw a glimpse of who He is, and I could not resist being in love with who He is. I was up on that mountain overlooking Narnia. And in those moments, I couldn’t imagine life not having that kind of clarity again. He was so real. So there. So present and visibly involved in every area of my life. I started fighting what I had grown up my whole life hearing—that there will be mountaintops and there will be valleys in my relationship with God… that I can’t always be on the mountaintop. Why can’t I? In those moments, I thought I would forever be on that mountaintop, more in love with my God than I ever could have imagined, seeing so clearly who He is and who I am in Him—who He has called me to be. Having a clarity about God and life that the rest of the world seems to lack. “Here on the mountain, I have spoken to you clearly.” He certainly did speak to me clearly during that time. And it was oh so beautiful. But then He blew me to Narnia…

Since coming to China, I have experienced the air thickening—in more ways than one—and I haven’t done so well at heeding Aslan’s instructions to “take great care that it does not confuse your mind.” Oh, how my mind has been confused. I have questioned my faith. I have questioned, in a sense, God’s goodness. I have questioned whether I can keep going on this journey with Him. Before coming here, I had read over and over how hard this journey can be… I should have been prepared. Aslan stressed the importance of the signs over and over again… because they “will not look at all as you expect them to look when you meet them there”; and in my own life, my experience in this place is something I never expected. But I am so grateful for today. I feel God cleared the air today just enough to remind me of the clarity He gave me back on that mountain. A glimpse hopefully long enough for me to take hold, once again, of the promises and truths I knew so well before the air in my world thickened so.  I don’t have to understand what is happening in the middle of the thickness. If I can just hold fast to what I know is true in the clear mountain air, then “nothing else will matter,” even in the thick air of Narnia.

I am still in love with my God. I still trust His goodness. I know He is still so ever present in my life, even though the thick air has momentarily prevented me from seeing Him as clearly as before. Why can’t we always be on the mountain? Well, if we were always on the mountain, how could He teach us to really trust Him in the thickness of the valleys? It was easy to trust the good, faithful Lion when I was walking together with Him on top of a mountain—watching Him do one incredible thing after another. Can I trust Him when I cannot see His strength right beside me and feel Him as I cling to His gentle mane? I only hope that I am gradually learning to do so… Thanks for praying for me and supporting me as He so patiently teaches me. :)

“Whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs.” I hope that—through His strength—nothing in the rest of my time here, or beyond, will ever be able to turn my heart and my mind from following Him.