我的上帝在中国为我打架

Hello from China, Friends! I'm sorry I've done such a terrible job at keeping up with my blog since I left. Things have been pretty crazy since I've been here, and quite honestly I can't believe I've only been here a little over a week. It was one full week, that is for sure! I am trying to send out update e-mails on a somewhat more regular basis though, so if you want to be on that e-mail list, just let me know (supersieg@gmail.com)! I've sent out one update, which is probably more informative than this blog post will be, so I can pass that on to anyone who’s interested. But moving on...

So I was reading my Bible yesterday morning, and I came upon these two verses that really hit home for me:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or dismayed before the king of Assyria and all the horde that is with him, for there are more with us than with him. With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God, to help us and to fight our battles... (2 Chronicles 32:7-8)

Basically, I felt like these verses summed up my adventures here in China so far. For those of you who kept up with my posts before I left the states, you are well aware that I was 'just slightly terrified' about coming to China. I didn't know what to expect... but, at least during the times I was having a hard time walking by faith, I definitely expected to be a disaster here--missing everyone back home, facing loneliness, and just struggling through life in general. God was so patient with me as I tried trusting Him for His faithfulness on this adventure on which He was about to take me. At times, I really was able to rest in Him and trust Him for those promises. At other times, I just fell apart and reverted back to the former fear. All of that said about my fears and expectations for this move… God has been so incredibly faithful and gracious to me. The more I reflect back on my time here, the more awed I am by His faithfulness. He is so good! The only way I have known to 'attempt' to explain this to the people I've talked to back home is that I haven't really been 'me.' I am just naturally a very anxious person, it takes me a long time to adjust to new things, I have a hard time getting to know people and being myself around people I’ve just met, etc. Yet somehow, that girl is not the girl that has been settling into life here in China. Don’t get me wrong… this has all been very out of my comfort zone, and this experience has been stretching me for sure. However, somehow I don’t ‘feel’ that stretched, and I have actually been rather loving and enjoying life here. Instead of being a nervous wreck about all of the training and teaching we were immediately thrown into—having to act completely ridiculous and teach in front of tons of Chinese parents and their kids and my co-workers and trainers and other trainees—I’ve just kind of… done it… without too much of a problem. I’ve also been able to, for the most part, just be myself around many of the new people I’ve met here… instantly clicking with many of them and foreseeing some really awesome friendships. Figuring out life without knowing the language is challenging as well, but I’ve just stepped out and done whatever I’ve needed/known to do, figuring it out as I go. Looking back over these last few sentences, I noticed a lot of ‘I’s’ when, in reality, God has to be doing all of this. That really is the only way I know how to explain it. Before coming here, God told me not to remember the former days—the days when I struggled through new things and lived in defeat for so long before He helped me rise above. He told me that He wanted to do something new… and all I know to say now is that… He really really has. He has done a beautiful new work in me. He is rising above my “arm of flesh” and fighting this battle for me—giving me victory in ways I’ve never experienced before. I am so grateful. I don’t know what this next year holds in store for me. I don’t know what battles I will face. I don’t know what plans the enemy has in store for me. But I do know now more than ever before that I can “be strong and courageous…not…afraid or dismayed…” and that “there are more with us than with…the horde that is with” the enemy. “With us is the LORD our God, to help us and to fight our battles.” God told me again and again before I came here that He was fighting for me. Sometimes I believed Him, and other times I didn’t know how to believe Him for that when I felt so defeated. But He has shown me just how much He meant that and how faithful He is to really fight for me. His words are more real than ever before: “I will never leave you nor forsake you”…even in China…so, even in China, I “can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me” (Hebrews 13:5-6)? Nothing... not when my God is fighting for me.

Wiser Words :)

So it seems my blog is becoming more full of other people's words than my own... but that might not be a bad thing... becauuuse, I would argue that other people have some much wiser things to say than what would be flowing from my fingertips at this point. So I shall again share something I just read that really encouraged me. Hope you enjoy. :)

Good things are ahead for you this week!

Posted: 29 Aug 2011 07:03 AM PDT

I open my email. I glance over my to-do list. I look at the appointments on my calendar.
It seems like it will be an ordinary week.
And yet...
Something inside me, something inside you, longs for extraordinary.
I tend to think that those kind of moments just aren't part of our day-to-day.
What if it's more that I'm not always looking for them?
Or that I sometimes rush past them even when they're in my path?
I think of the story of Moses and the burning bush. Moses is in the middle of the desert tending sheep, the equivalent of being in the middle of a work day for us today. Yours might happen in a cubicle in your kitchen with toddlers around your feet, in an airport.
And right there in the middle of that ordinary, God shows up. 
I love what comes next...
"When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush...." Exodus 3:4 
When Moses stopped to pay attention.
When he took time to notice the extraordinary.
When he turned aside from his to-do list...God changed everything. 
Yes, there are seasons when we're simply called to be faithful, to do the simple and even unnoticed. But you just never know when it's going to be your time for a burning bush moment. You never know when God is going to step in and do the gloriously unexpected. We don't have to make it happen. We only have to be watchful and then willing.
It makes me smile to write these words.
Because our burning bush might be just around the corner. 
Maybe today.
Maybe tomorrow.
Let's keep watching, keep waiting--God has more than we can even imagine ahead!

It's all about perspective...

So I got an e-mail from a friend today, and it gave me such sweet, fresh perspective... so I wanted to share it with you all. Hope it's as encouraging to you as it was to me. I love how God gives us what He knows we need. He's been doing *a lot* of that lately that I'll have to share more about soon. Until then... here's a perspective awakener. :)

THE VISION OF CHILDREN

When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are
going to take over my yard. My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white
fluff you can wish on.

When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty
person who probably wants money and I look away. My kids see someone
smiling at them and they smile back.

When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much
rhythm so I sit self consciously and listen. My kids feel the beat and
move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make
up their own.

When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing
up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close their eyes,
spread their arms and fly with it until they fall to the ground laughing.

When I pray I say Thee and Thou and grant me this, give me that. My kids
say, “Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad
dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss
my Mommy and Daddy.”

When I see a mud puddle, I step around it. I see muddy shoes and clothes
and dirty carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to
cross and worms to play with.

I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from?

No wonder God loves the little children!!

Author Unknown

A Weary Heart

So 18 days and counting until I fly out to China. The past few days, reality has hit  more than ever before, and it is tough. On top of that, multiple other arenas of life have decided to crash in around me. So basically, I just need your prayers. The enemy is doing a pretty good job of beating me down, and my heart is so so weary. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle... or even more like I don't have any fight left in me and I'm just losing. I think bits of truth are trying to get through to me, but it's like they can't break through my wearied heart. So please pray for me.

"I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies (2 Samuel 22:4).

God Speaks

Wow. Sometimes I wish I could just plug my brain into the computer, and the journey God is taking me on would be perfectly transcribed into a blog post... because my words feel so inadequate. For starters, God is so so good. I cannot even begin to give you a glimpse of His goodness that has been so beautifully evident in my life. It is incredible to think back to barely over one month ago--before this whole journey started--and see how much God has already revealed to and taught me. There seems to be a breaking point in each new lesson, where I feel like I have nothing left and cannot keep going; but every time I turn the corner, I see the beauty of what He's just taught me and feel the strength... HIS strength... carrying me on to the next step. How cool is that?!

So I finally turned that 'next corner' this afternoon. The past few days have been rough, both Sunday and Tuesday ending in a bucketful of tears. I spent time with my family this weekend and sort of emotionally struggled through the weekend. Then on the way home this past Sunday, I reached the end of myself and felt completely overwhelmed, discouraged, and just weary with life. I ended that evening talking to my beautiful roommate, Carmen. We discussed why it is that we can so clearly see truth in other people's lives, and yet be so blinded to that same truth in our own lives. For instance, I had shared so excitedly with some ministry friends earlier that day about the big God we serve and how they just needed to 'go in the strength' that they had, and God would do big things! Yet, that very same evening, I was facing total despair about my upcoming move to China and how I wasn't 'enough.' As we talked, God brought back to my heart the words my dad had shared with me this weekend. Just recently, he did the service for his brother's funeral. He told me that the entire time he was trying to prepare for that service, it was just like he couldn't do it. Finally, the night before the funeral, he shared with my mom what he had come up with, only for her to point out that he hadn't used the verses my aunt had asked him to use. So it was like starting over. But God showed Himself so mightily the next day. My dad said that the morning of the funeral, while we were all at the church singing some praise songs, it was like God was pouring into him the words He wanted him to share at that service... so by time he got up to share, he was ready. My dad said that day changed him... it changed his faith. He said that he now lives expectantly, just waiting for the next time God is going to show up and do something that he can't do. What a way to live! Not wondering 'if' God is going to come through, but just wondering when and how He's going to come do something beyond our abilities! So Carmen and I talked about that and about how we should live expecting victory, rather than expecting defeat the way we had been! What an insult that must be to our God... the God of the Universe lives inside of us--and we recognize His power and victory in other people's lives--but we falter when it comes to our own lives, expecting failure and defeat. The Israelites lived that way. Instead of remembering all of the mighty works God did for them and trusting Him to come through again, they would cry out about how they were going to die out in the desert (expecting defeat) and how they should have just stayed in Egypt to die... and I believe God WAS insulted. His anger burned against the Israelites over and over again. He longed for them to trust Him for the victory that He continually brought them! So it was a beautiful, encouraging conversation with Carmen that night, and we decided we needed to live expecting that victory. But it wasn't quite the end of the beautiful lesson God was teaching me...

Last night, I fell apart again. My quickly-approaching departure date had been sinking in more and more, and I just melted into a ridiculous puddle of tears. I believe the resounding words in my brain were, "It's so soon... I'm not ready." I shared my fears with Andrew about how I was going to be a disaster whenever I talked to him on skype. I had learned--or thought I had learned--the 'expecting victory' lesson, so I did believe that God would give victory and do things beyond my ability. However, I still expected to fall apart every night in my apartment by myself, after holding it together all day. I was trying to be realistic and knew that, although God is so faithful, He does still allow us to struggle... and God even tells us that life will be hard. Andrew was so super encouraging and reminded me that God's got me... I just have to go. Such a beautiful reminder... so I emotionally 'returned' for a little while again.

Apparently though, I'm a slow kid, so this story continues into today. I was talking to Carmen again and told her how she shouldn't talk to me on skype once I moved, because I would be a mess--to which she responded, "It sounds like you're expecting defeat, Katherine." I blurted out my 'being realistic' argument... several different times in several different ways... but Carmen was rather persistent. ;) Finally, I shared that God has been faithful to me my whole life, but I've still always been 'a mess' when I face new things... even new little things... that's just the person I've always been. Conclusion? If God has been ever faithful to me, and yet I've still struggled the way I do through each 'new thing' I've faced in my life, He can be faithful and bring victory in China and still allow me to be a disaster when I am alone and weary of being strong. At that point, Carmen simply said, "What does God say about all of this? Let's ask Him." She stopped right there and asked God to speak to me about all of this. Ohhh, such little faith that I have... as soon as she stopped praying, my mind went every which way, just wandering and thinking about anything it could get its hands on... and I honestly didn't expect God to say anything to me... or at least for me to be able to hear it because my mind wouldn't clear itself. But out of nowhere, this verse entered my mind: "Remember not the former things... Behold, I am doing a new thing..." (Isaiah 43:18-19). I honestly was grasping to figure out where that had come from and could barely contain myself when I realized that God had directly answered Carmen's prayer and had spoken straight to my heart. It was like He was straight up telling me, "Katherine, forget the way you've always struggled through life... because I want to do something new." Dude. The God of the Universe knows me... He knows how I've always been and the weak person that I still am today... and He asked me to forget all of that and let Him do something new. We read the whole chapter of Isaiah 43 together, and there were just some beautiful verses in there: "But now thus says the LORD, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you'" (43:1-2). "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself that they might declare my praise" (43:18-21). I was overwhelmed to tears with gratitude that my God, my King, had spoken so clearly to my heart. When Carmen and I prayed together, we asked God to help us not expect victory to 'just get by,' which seemed to be what I was believing. God wants to bring us complete, ultimate, total victory in Him. I think that for much of my life, I have chosen to settle for partial victory, letting Him do big things around and through me, but still struggling in my heart instead of accepting the victory He wants to have there as well.

I want that victory... total victory... AND I want to learn--moment by moment on this journey God has me on--how to expect and believe Him to bring that victory. So to start this victory adventure, I am now documenting my glimpse of some beautiful victory today, Wednesday, August 10, 2011. God spoke to my heart and told me to forget the former things, for behold... He wants to do something new... and right about now, I'm all about new things. Commence... enjoyment of the ride! ;)

Encouragement from a Devotional

Just a whisper for you as you start the week...

I'm thinking of you, wherever you are, starting the week and wondering what it will hold.
And I just want to whisper that you're loved by the One who will hold you no matter what comes.
Yes, He sees you, knows you, understands every detail.
He delights in who you are, in what you do--even the things you think no one notices.
Your life has a purpose.
You matter so much.
You are on your way to good things ahead.
And today is the next step. 
So take a deep breath and move ahead, my friend.
I'm so grateful to walk with you too.

Encouragement from a Sister

So a sweet sister sent me an e-mail, and I wanted to share her encouragement.

Places that we will never imagine, the Lord will take us... Here is something very powerful, that encouraged my when I left to USA, many years ago and I really want to share it  with you.

Paul says in Philippians 3:7-14. But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Shalom...