So I got an e-mail from a friend today, and it gave me such sweet, fresh perspective... so I wanted to share it with you all. Hope it's as encouraging to you as it was to me. I love how God gives us what He knows we need. He's been doing *a lot* of that lately that I'll have to share more about soon. Until then... here's a perspective awakener. :)
THE VISION OF CHILDREN
When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are
going to take over my yard. My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white
fluff you can wish on.
When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty
person who probably wants money and I look away. My kids see someone
smiling at them and they smile back.
When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much
rhythm so I sit self consciously and listen. My kids feel the beat and
move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make
up their own.
When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing
up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close their eyes,
spread their arms and fly with it until they fall to the ground laughing.
When I pray I say Thee and Thou and grant me this, give me that. My kids
say, “Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad
dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss
my Mommy and Daddy.”
When I see a mud puddle, I step around it. I see muddy shoes and clothes
and dirty carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to
cross and worms to play with.
I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from?
No wonder God loves the little children!!
Author Unknown
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A Weary Heart
So 18 days and counting until I fly out to China. The past few days, reality has hit more than ever before, and it is tough. On top of that, multiple other arenas of life have decided to crash in around me. So basically, I just need your prayers. The enemy is doing a pretty good job of beating me down, and my heart is so so weary. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle... or even more like I don't have any fight left in me and I'm just losing. I think bits of truth are trying to get through to me, but it's like they can't break through my wearied heart. So please pray for me.
"I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies (2 Samuel 22:4).
"I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies (2 Samuel 22:4).
Thursday, August 11, 2011
God Speaks
Wow. Sometimes I wish I could just plug my brain into the computer, and the journey God is taking me on would be perfectly transcribed into a blog post... because my words feel so inadequate. For starters, God is so so good. I cannot even begin to give you a glimpse of His goodness that has been so beautifully evident in my life. It is incredible to think back to barely over one month ago--before this whole journey started--and see how much God has already revealed to and taught me. There seems to be a breaking point in each new lesson, where I feel like I have nothing left and cannot keep going; but every time I turn the corner, I see the beauty of what He's just taught me and feel the strength... HIS strength... carrying me on to the next step. How cool is that?!
So I finally turned that 'next corner' this afternoon. The past few days have been rough, both Sunday and Tuesday ending in a bucketful of tears. I spent time with my family this weekend and sort of emotionally struggled through the weekend. Then on the way home this past Sunday, I reached the end of myself and felt completely overwhelmed, discouraged, and just weary with life. I ended that evening talking to my beautiful roommate, Carmen. We discussed why it is that we can so clearly see truth in other people's lives, and yet be so blinded to that same truth in our own lives. For instance, I had shared so excitedly with some ministry friends earlier that day about the big God we serve and how they just needed to 'go in the strength' that they had, and God would do big things! Yet, that very same evening, I was facing total despair about my upcoming move to China and how I wasn't 'enough.' As we talked, God brought back to my heart the words my dad had shared with me this weekend. Just recently, he did the service for his brother's funeral. He told me that the entire time he was trying to prepare for that service, it was just like he couldn't do it. Finally, the night before the funeral, he shared with my mom what he had come up with, only for her to point out that he hadn't used the verses my aunt had asked him to use. So it was like starting over. But God showed Himself so mightily the next day. My dad said that the morning of the funeral, while we were all at the church singing some praise songs, it was like God was pouring into him the words He wanted him to share at that service... so by time he got up to share, he was ready. My dad said that day changed him... it changed his faith. He said that he now lives expectantly, just waiting for the next time God is going to show up and do something that he can't do. What a way to live! Not wondering 'if' God is going to come through, but just wondering when and how He's going to come do something beyond our abilities! So Carmen and I talked about that and about how we should live expecting victory, rather than expecting defeat the way we had been! What an insult that must be to our God... the God of the Universe lives inside of us--and we recognize His power and victory in other people's lives--but we falter when it comes to our own lives, expecting failure and defeat. The Israelites lived that way. Instead of remembering all of the mighty works God did for them and trusting Him to come through again, they would cry out about how they were going to die out in the desert (expecting defeat) and how they should have just stayed in Egypt to die... and I believe God WAS insulted. His anger burned against the Israelites over and over again. He longed for them to trust Him for the victory that He continually brought them! So it was a beautiful, encouraging conversation with Carmen that night, and we decided we needed to live expecting that victory. But it wasn't quite the end of the beautiful lesson God was teaching me...
Last night, I fell apart again. My quickly-approaching departure date had been sinking in more and more, and I just melted into a ridiculous puddle of tears. I believe the resounding words in my brain were, "It's so soon... I'm not ready." I shared my fears with Andrew about how I was going to be a disaster whenever I talked to him on skype. I had learned--or thought I had learned--the 'expecting victory' lesson, so I did believe that God would give victory and do things beyond my ability. However, I still expected to fall apart every night in my apartment by myself, after holding it together all day. I was trying to be realistic and knew that, although God is so faithful, He does still allow us to struggle... and God even tells us that life will be hard. Andrew was so super encouraging and reminded me that God's got me... I just have to go. Such a beautiful reminder... so I emotionally 'returned' for a little while again.
Apparently though, I'm a slow kid, so this story continues into today. I was talking to Carmen again and told her how she shouldn't talk to me on skype once I moved, because I would be a mess--to which she responded, "It sounds like you're expecting defeat, Katherine." I blurted out my 'being realistic' argument... several different times in several different ways... but Carmen was rather persistent. ;) Finally, I shared that God has been faithful to me my whole life, but I've still always been 'a mess' when I face new things... even new little things... that's just the person I've always been. Conclusion? If God has been ever faithful to me, and yet I've still struggled the way I do through each 'new thing' I've faced in my life, He can be faithful and bring victory in China and still allow me to be a disaster when I am alone and weary of being strong. At that point, Carmen simply said, "What does God say about all of this? Let's ask Him." She stopped right there and asked God to speak to me about all of this. Ohhh, such little faith that I have... as soon as she stopped praying, my mind went every which way, just wandering and thinking about anything it could get its hands on... and I honestly didn't expect God to say anything to me... or at least for me to be able to hear it because my mind wouldn't clear itself. But out of nowhere, this verse entered my mind: "Remember not the former things... Behold, I am doing a new thing..." (Isaiah 43:18-19). I honestly was grasping to figure out where that had come from and could barely contain myself when I realized that God had directly answered Carmen's prayer and had spoken straight to my heart. It was like He was straight up telling me, "Katherine, forget the way you've always struggled through life... because I want to do something new." Dude. The God of the Universe knows me... He knows how I've always been and the weak person that I still am today... and He asked me to forget all of that and let Him do something new. We read the whole chapter of Isaiah 43 together, and there were just some beautiful verses in there: "But now thus says the LORD, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you'" (43:1-2). "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself that they might declare my praise" (43:18-21). I was overwhelmed to tears with gratitude that my God, my King, had spoken so clearly to my heart. When Carmen and I prayed together, we asked God to help us not expect victory to 'just get by,' which seemed to be what I was believing. God wants to bring us complete, ultimate, total victory in Him. I think that for much of my life, I have chosen to settle for partial victory, letting Him do big things around and through me, but still struggling in my heart instead of accepting the victory He wants to have there as well.
I want that victory... total victory... AND I want to learn--moment by moment on this journey God has me on--how to expect and believe Him to bring that victory. So to start this victory adventure, I am now documenting my glimpse of some beautiful victory today, Wednesday, August 10, 2011. God spoke to my heart and told me to forget the former things, for behold... He wants to do something new... and right about now, I'm all about new things. Commence... enjoyment of the ride! ;)
So I finally turned that 'next corner' this afternoon. The past few days have been rough, both Sunday and Tuesday ending in a bucketful of tears. I spent time with my family this weekend and sort of emotionally struggled through the weekend. Then on the way home this past Sunday, I reached the end of myself and felt completely overwhelmed, discouraged, and just weary with life. I ended that evening talking to my beautiful roommate, Carmen. We discussed why it is that we can so clearly see truth in other people's lives, and yet be so blinded to that same truth in our own lives. For instance, I had shared so excitedly with some ministry friends earlier that day about the big God we serve and how they just needed to 'go in the strength' that they had, and God would do big things! Yet, that very same evening, I was facing total despair about my upcoming move to China and how I wasn't 'enough.' As we talked, God brought back to my heart the words my dad had shared with me this weekend. Just recently, he did the service for his brother's funeral. He told me that the entire time he was trying to prepare for that service, it was just like he couldn't do it. Finally, the night before the funeral, he shared with my mom what he had come up with, only for her to point out that he hadn't used the verses my aunt had asked him to use. So it was like starting over. But God showed Himself so mightily the next day. My dad said that the morning of the funeral, while we were all at the church singing some praise songs, it was like God was pouring into him the words He wanted him to share at that service... so by time he got up to share, he was ready. My dad said that day changed him... it changed his faith. He said that he now lives expectantly, just waiting for the next time God is going to show up and do something that he can't do. What a way to live! Not wondering 'if' God is going to come through, but just wondering when and how He's going to come do something beyond our abilities! So Carmen and I talked about that and about how we should live expecting victory, rather than expecting defeat the way we had been! What an insult that must be to our God... the God of the Universe lives inside of us--and we recognize His power and victory in other people's lives--but we falter when it comes to our own lives, expecting failure and defeat. The Israelites lived that way. Instead of remembering all of the mighty works God did for them and trusting Him to come through again, they would cry out about how they were going to die out in the desert (expecting defeat) and how they should have just stayed in Egypt to die... and I believe God WAS insulted. His anger burned against the Israelites over and over again. He longed for them to trust Him for the victory that He continually brought them! So it was a beautiful, encouraging conversation with Carmen that night, and we decided we needed to live expecting that victory. But it wasn't quite the end of the beautiful lesson God was teaching me...
Last night, I fell apart again. My quickly-approaching departure date had been sinking in more and more, and I just melted into a ridiculous puddle of tears. I believe the resounding words in my brain were, "It's so soon... I'm not ready." I shared my fears with Andrew about how I was going to be a disaster whenever I talked to him on skype. I had learned--or thought I had learned--the 'expecting victory' lesson, so I did believe that God would give victory and do things beyond my ability. However, I still expected to fall apart every night in my apartment by myself, after holding it together all day. I was trying to be realistic and knew that, although God is so faithful, He does still allow us to struggle... and God even tells us that life will be hard. Andrew was so super encouraging and reminded me that God's got me... I just have to go. Such a beautiful reminder... so I emotionally 'returned' for a little while again.
Apparently though, I'm a slow kid, so this story continues into today. I was talking to Carmen again and told her how she shouldn't talk to me on skype once I moved, because I would be a mess--to which she responded, "It sounds like you're expecting defeat, Katherine." I blurted out my 'being realistic' argument... several different times in several different ways... but Carmen was rather persistent. ;) Finally, I shared that God has been faithful to me my whole life, but I've still always been 'a mess' when I face new things... even new little things... that's just the person I've always been. Conclusion? If God has been ever faithful to me, and yet I've still struggled the way I do through each 'new thing' I've faced in my life, He can be faithful and bring victory in China and still allow me to be a disaster when I am alone and weary of being strong. At that point, Carmen simply said, "What does God say about all of this? Let's ask Him." She stopped right there and asked God to speak to me about all of this. Ohhh, such little faith that I have... as soon as she stopped praying, my mind went every which way, just wandering and thinking about anything it could get its hands on... and I honestly didn't expect God to say anything to me... or at least for me to be able to hear it because my mind wouldn't clear itself. But out of nowhere, this verse entered my mind: "Remember not the former things... Behold, I am doing a new thing..." (Isaiah 43:18-19). I honestly was grasping to figure out where that had come from and could barely contain myself when I realized that God had directly answered Carmen's prayer and had spoken straight to my heart. It was like He was straight up telling me, "Katherine, forget the way you've always struggled through life... because I want to do something new." Dude. The God of the Universe knows me... He knows how I've always been and the weak person that I still am today... and He asked me to forget all of that and let Him do something new. We read the whole chapter of Isaiah 43 together, and there were just some beautiful verses in there: "But now thus says the LORD, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you'" (43:1-2). "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself that they might declare my praise" (43:18-21). I was overwhelmed to tears with gratitude that my God, my King, had spoken so clearly to my heart. When Carmen and I prayed together, we asked God to help us not expect victory to 'just get by,' which seemed to be what I was believing. God wants to bring us complete, ultimate, total victory in Him. I think that for much of my life, I have chosen to settle for partial victory, letting Him do big things around and through me, but still struggling in my heart instead of accepting the victory He wants to have there as well.
I want that victory... total victory... AND I want to learn--moment by moment on this journey God has me on--how to expect and believe Him to bring that victory. So to start this victory adventure, I am now documenting my glimpse of some beautiful victory today, Wednesday, August 10, 2011. God spoke to my heart and told me to forget the former things, for behold... He wants to do something new... and right about now, I'm all about new things. Commence... enjoyment of the ride! ;)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Encouragement from a Devotional
Just a whisper for you as you start the week...
I'm thinking of you, wherever you are, starting the week and wondering what it will hold.
And I just want to whisper that you're loved by the One who will hold you no matter what comes.
Yes, He sees you, knows you, understands every detail.
He delights in who you are, in what you do--even the things you think no one notices.
Your life has a purpose.
You matter so much.
You are on your way to good things ahead.
And today is the next step.
So take a deep breath and move ahead, my friend.
I'm so grateful to walk with you too.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Encouragement from a Sister
So a sweet sister sent me an e-mail, and I wanted to share her encouragement.
Places that we will never imagine, the Lord will take us... Here is something very powerful, that encouraged my when I left to USA, many years ago and I really want to share it with you.
Paul says in Philippians 3:7-14. But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Shalom...
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Go in the strength you have...
So my mom has been here with me for the past few days, and it was wonderful. There was something about her presence that was very calming. We got so much done as far as prepping for China, and we had fun doing it... I think I would have cried through it all had I been doing it alone. So basically, it was such a blessing and an encouraging time. And then she left...
And then I realized that whenever I am alone these days, I seem to enter this 'can't function/cant get anything done/have mental and emotional panic attacks mode. It was so peaceful with Mom here, and I could get so much done; but as soon as she left, I didn't want to move a muscle to do anything to get ready for China. My mind started reeling, and I all of a sudden felt so so weak *yet again.* So I opened the Bible and picked up where I left off in Judges last. Israel yet again "did what was evil in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD gave them into the hands of Midian seven years. The power of Midian prevailed against Israel" (Judges 6:1-2). & then God had mercy on them yet again. He called Midian to lead them to battle against Midian... and I absolutely love the conversation that follows:
The next really cool thing I got from this was over one more chapter. Gideon has gathered the army, God has weeded out the army so that there are only 300 men left to fight (so He can show everyone that HE was really doing the fighting), etc, etc... So Gideon has, so far, gone in the strength he had and been faithful in his weakness. Check out this verse:
How does the battle end? The Midianites flip out and start turning on each other with their swords... and the rest is history. How about God doing that fighting for us, hm?
Anyways, I'm feeling rather like a weak Gideon today. So that just means that I can go in the strength that I have and watch God do some world-rocking, eh?
And then I realized that whenever I am alone these days, I seem to enter this 'can't function/cant get anything done/have mental and emotional panic attacks mode. It was so peaceful with Mom here, and I could get so much done; but as soon as she left, I didn't want to move a muscle to do anything to get ready for China. My mind started reeling, and I all of a sudden felt so so weak *yet again.* So I opened the Bible and picked up where I left off in Judges last. Israel yet again "did what was evil in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD gave them into the hands of Midian seven years. The power of Midian prevailed against Israel" (Judges 6:1-2). & then God had mercy on them yet again. He called Midian to lead them to battle against Midian... and I absolutely love the conversation that follows:
And the LORD turned to him and said, "Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you?" And he said to him, "Please, Lord, how can I save Israel? Behold, my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house." And the LORD said to him, "But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man."So first of all, God says "Go in this might of yours..." or as another version says, "Go in the strength you have"! As you keep reading, you'll quickly see how much strength that is...or is not, to be more accurate. Gideon's clan was the weakest around... and, on top of that, Gideon was the least in his family! So the strength that he had was pretty lacking, and Gideon quickly pointed that out to God. However, God didn't hesitate one moment. I can just picture God listening to Gideon spout off his spiel about how weak he is and then God saying, "I know, I know how weak you are. That's why I said, 'go in the strength you have'... it doesn't matter how weak you are, because I'm going with you!" Shabam. God doesn't call strong people, so that they are strong enough to accomplish things for His name. He calls weak people, so that He can accomplish things for His name through them.
The next really cool thing I got from this was over one more chapter. Gideon has gathered the army, God has weeded out the army so that there are only 300 men left to fight (so He can show everyone that HE was really doing the fighting), etc, etc... So Gideon has, so far, gone in the strength he had and been faithful in his weakness. Check out this verse:
Now the same night it came about that the LORD said to him, "Arise, go down against the camp, for I have given it into your hands. But if you are afraid to go down, go with Purah your servant down to the camp, and you will hear what they say, and afterward your hands will be strengthened that you may go down against the camp" (Judges 7:9-11).God knew Gideon so well. He knew that, despite his obedience and faithfulness in doing what God was calling, he was still afraid. & God didn't strike him down or chew him out for that fear. Instead, He met Gideon right where he was--so graciously comforting and strengthening him. That's the God I serve. He calls us to big, crazy, scary, illogical things--like taking a 300-man army up against... what, a 135,000-man army? But He walks right next to us into and through those big, crazy, scary, illogical things... providing the strength and comfort we need along the way, not to mention how He actually does the fighting for us.
How does the battle end? The Midianites flip out and start turning on each other with their swords... and the rest is history. How about God doing that fighting for us, hm?
Anyways, I'm feeling rather like a weak Gideon today. So that just means that I can go in the strength that I have and watch God do some world-rocking, eh?
Sunday, July 24, 2011
*Claiming Victory!*
So the book of Joshua ends with God so faithfully fighting for and bringing rest to His people. Joshua 21:43-45 says, "So the LORD gave Israel all the land which He had sworn to give to their fathers, and they possessed it and lived in it. And the LORD gave them rest on every side, according to all that He had sworn to their fathers, and no one of all their enemies stood before them; the LORD gave all their enemies into their hand. Not one of the good promises which the LORD had made to the house of Israel failed; all came to pass." What a beautiful picture of God fighting for His people and bringing them victory!
And yet after this magnificent, God-given victory, Judges chapter 1 is filled with these statements: "But Manasseh did not take possession..." "...so the Canaanites persisted in living in that land..." "...but they did not drive them out completely..." "...Ephraim did not drive out the Canaanites..." "...so the Canaanites lived in Gezer among them..." "...Zebulun did not drive out the inhabitants..." "...so the Canaanites lived among them..." "...Asher did not drive out the inhabitants..." "...So the Asherites lived among the Canaanites, the inhabitants of the land, for they did not drive them out..." "Naphtali did not drive out the inhabitants..." "...but lived among the Canaanites, the inhabitants of the land..." "Then the Amorites forced the sons of Dan into the hill country, for they did not allow them to come down to the valley..." I pondered the meaning of all of this as I read it and then read this note at the bottom of the page: "Like all other tribes, Dan had a territory given them, but they failed to claim the power of God to conquer that territory. Later they capitulated even more by accepting defeat and migrating to another territory in the N. becoming idolatrous (Jdg 18)." How tragic. What happened to the mind-boggling, other-nation-terrifying victory God had been giving to His people? What happened to the people of whom it was spoken, "One of your men puts to flight a thousand, for the LORD your God is He who fights for you, just as He promised you" (Joshua 23:10)? What happened to the miracles such as when God "sent the hornet before you and it drove out the two kings of the Amorites from before you, but not by your sword or your bow" (Joshua 24:12)? Did God stop fighting for His people?
Heck no.
God's people "failed to claim the power of God to conquer"! They stopped claiming His power, and they stopped claiming His victory; and I have only read through the first two chapters in Judges, but believe me... it gets bad real quick. In chapter 2, Israel already faces defeat before their enemies. How quickly can the enemy bring defeat when we stop claiming the power of God in our lives...
Man, friends, as crazy as the past few weeks has been, how beautiful it is to walk through these early books of the Bible and see the Bible absolutely come to life in my own journey. Yesterday, along with several other days in the past week or two, I stopped claiming the power of God in my life. I may have used the excuse that I had no strength left, and God needed to fight for me. But really, I gave up and stopped claiming His power and gave into defeat. I guess I decided I would let the Canaanites keep living in the land and would just live amongst them. I gave up on victory. Why why WHY would I give up on the victory that God wants to give me? I can so clearly see how ridiculous it was for the Israelites--when God gave them a territory--to give up on claiming victory over that territory. But how much harder is it to see in my own life how absolutely ridiculous it is to give up on claiming the victory that God wants to bring over the territory He has given to me?! Yesterday I realized that I have to do this China thing. I know that there is no way in my life I could decide not to go to China right now, because I know more clearly than probably anything else I've ever known in my life that I'm supposed to do this. BUT I do not want to go through this only because I know I have to... I do not want to go kicking and screaming. Man, I want to enjoy the ride... enJOY it! My dad reminded me the other day that God calls us to "Rejoice ALWAYS!" (1 Thess. 5:16). I need and want to have joy on this journey. I want to have victory on this journey... on the journey... not just at the end of the journey. I don't want to force my way through the next months and year in fear, struggling to get through it, clinging on for dear life. I want to soar on the wings of the ONE who's called me here and wants to give me the ride of a lifetime as I keep running His race! So I can accept defeat in my heart and go through the motions of doing what I know God has called me to do. OR I can claim the victory that is already mine in my Jesus and enjoy the crazy ride that God wants to take me on. Oooo what a difficult choice, eh? Man, I'm so ready to claim the power of God in my life... I'm so ready to claim the victory He wants to give me... I'm so ready to claim the territory He's bringing me to...
It's all so clear right now. I'm practically blinded by the brightness of the truth God is shining in my eyes. And I am absolutely joy-filled on this journey. Aaaand I am writing this down, because I don't know when the enemy will try to drown me in his lies again. The past few weeks, I have faced a spiritual battle that I've never encountered before. Maybe people think I'm being dramatic, but it has been more real to me than you can even imagine. And when the enemy starts hounding me, I slide pretty quickly back into a pit deeper than I know how to get out of. I'm blinded by lies instead of truth, and I literally cannot see past those lies, no matter what anybody says or what I tell myself. I get stuck. It's been an ugly cycle, and I'm ready to break that cycle... or let God break that cycle. It's only by His grace that I'm writing this post tonight. He has so faithfully picked me up every... single... time... that I've pitifully fallen and started drowning again. There's nothing I or anybody around me can do or say to pick me up from that spot... but somehow He does. And I want to claim the truth that He will either keep me up this time... or that He will pick me up yet again when I slip back down. I'm all about doing some claiming right about now. The enemy makes me think that there is nothing to claim. But God has shown me that there is oh so much He is just longing for me to claim--His power, His victory, and His JOY for starters.
I think I could go on forever at this point. But there it is... man, people, let's just stop failing to claim the power of God to conquer! He is just itching to do some conquering for us, so why on earth would we stop Him from doing that conquering?!
And yet after this magnificent, God-given victory, Judges chapter 1 is filled with these statements: "But Manasseh did not take possession..." "...so the Canaanites persisted in living in that land..." "...but they did not drive them out completely..." "...Ephraim did not drive out the Canaanites..." "...so the Canaanites lived in Gezer among them..." "...Zebulun did not drive out the inhabitants..." "...so the Canaanites lived among them..." "...Asher did not drive out the inhabitants..." "...So the Asherites lived among the Canaanites, the inhabitants of the land, for they did not drive them out..." "Naphtali did not drive out the inhabitants..." "...but lived among the Canaanites, the inhabitants of the land..." "Then the Amorites forced the sons of Dan into the hill country, for they did not allow them to come down to the valley..." I pondered the meaning of all of this as I read it and then read this note at the bottom of the page: "Like all other tribes, Dan had a territory given them, but they failed to claim the power of God to conquer that territory. Later they capitulated even more by accepting defeat and migrating to another territory in the N. becoming idolatrous (Jdg 18)." How tragic. What happened to the mind-boggling, other-nation-terrifying victory God had been giving to His people? What happened to the people of whom it was spoken, "One of your men puts to flight a thousand, for the LORD your God is He who fights for you, just as He promised you" (Joshua 23:10)? What happened to the miracles such as when God "sent the hornet before you and it drove out the two kings of the Amorites from before you, but not by your sword or your bow" (Joshua 24:12)? Did God stop fighting for His people?
Heck no.
God's people "failed to claim the power of God to conquer"! They stopped claiming His power, and they stopped claiming His victory; and I have only read through the first two chapters in Judges, but believe me... it gets bad real quick. In chapter 2, Israel already faces defeat before their enemies. How quickly can the enemy bring defeat when we stop claiming the power of God in our lives...
Man, friends, as crazy as the past few weeks has been, how beautiful it is to walk through these early books of the Bible and see the Bible absolutely come to life in my own journey. Yesterday, along with several other days in the past week or two, I stopped claiming the power of God in my life. I may have used the excuse that I had no strength left, and God needed to fight for me. But really, I gave up and stopped claiming His power and gave into defeat. I guess I decided I would let the Canaanites keep living in the land and would just live amongst them. I gave up on victory. Why why WHY would I give up on the victory that God wants to give me? I can so clearly see how ridiculous it was for the Israelites--when God gave them a territory--to give up on claiming victory over that territory. But how much harder is it to see in my own life how absolutely ridiculous it is to give up on claiming the victory that God wants to bring over the territory He has given to me?! Yesterday I realized that I have to do this China thing. I know that there is no way in my life I could decide not to go to China right now, because I know more clearly than probably anything else I've ever known in my life that I'm supposed to do this. BUT I do not want to go through this only because I know I have to... I do not want to go kicking and screaming. Man, I want to enjoy the ride... enJOY it! My dad reminded me the other day that God calls us to "Rejoice ALWAYS!" (1 Thess. 5:16). I need and want to have joy on this journey. I want to have victory on this journey... on the journey... not just at the end of the journey. I don't want to force my way through the next months and year in fear, struggling to get through it, clinging on for dear life. I want to soar on the wings of the ONE who's called me here and wants to give me the ride of a lifetime as I keep running His race! So I can accept defeat in my heart and go through the motions of doing what I know God has called me to do. OR I can claim the victory that is already mine in my Jesus and enjoy the crazy ride that God wants to take me on. Oooo what a difficult choice, eh? Man, I'm so ready to claim the power of God in my life... I'm so ready to claim the victory He wants to give me... I'm so ready to claim the territory He's bringing me to...
It's all so clear right now. I'm practically blinded by the brightness of the truth God is shining in my eyes. And I am absolutely joy-filled on this journey. Aaaand I am writing this down, because I don't know when the enemy will try to drown me in his lies again. The past few weeks, I have faced a spiritual battle that I've never encountered before. Maybe people think I'm being dramatic, but it has been more real to me than you can even imagine. And when the enemy starts hounding me, I slide pretty quickly back into a pit deeper than I know how to get out of. I'm blinded by lies instead of truth, and I literally cannot see past those lies, no matter what anybody says or what I tell myself. I get stuck. It's been an ugly cycle, and I'm ready to break that cycle... or let God break that cycle. It's only by His grace that I'm writing this post tonight. He has so faithfully picked me up every... single... time... that I've pitifully fallen and started drowning again. There's nothing I or anybody around me can do or say to pick me up from that spot... but somehow He does. And I want to claim the truth that He will either keep me up this time... or that He will pick me up yet again when I slip back down. I'm all about doing some claiming right about now. The enemy makes me think that there is nothing to claim. But God has shown me that there is oh so much He is just longing for me to claim--His power, His victory, and His JOY for starters.
I think I could go on forever at this point. But there it is... man, people, let's just stop failing to claim the power of God to conquer! He is just itching to do some conquering for us, so why on earth would we stop Him from doing that conquering?!
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