Chosen for China

"You did not choose me, but I chose you..." (John 15:16).

So several times just today, in different locations at different events, different people shared this verse. Each time I heard it, I thought it was an encouraging reminder... but it wasn't until I was sitting on the back of my brother's bike tonight--as he drove through the streets of Tianjin, China talking to his Chinese friend--that God really built on these initial thoughts about this verse. He chose me... He didn't just accept me when I chose Him... or decide He'd put up with me because I wanted to choose Him... no, I didn't even choose Him. He--the God of the Universe--chose me. First of all, He created me just the way He wanted me. Secondly, He then chose me to be His daughter and to use me. That was pretty much exactly what I needed to hear today, to say the least.

For some reason, it's been a rather tough time here in Tianjin visiting my brother. I've mostly been tagging along with whatever things are happening here, which is awesome... my brother and sister-in-law are stinking amazing... and, of course, their friends are super cool too... but there's been something about being here that has been pretty discouraging. I think it may be because there have been several things I've gone to where everyone is just speaking Mandarin for much of the time. Something about it set me off on this, "I'm never going to learn this language, I'm incompetent, I'm inadequate, I'm useless" train, and it's been hard not to let it knock me over. I've been surrounded by such cool, smart, funny, equipped, Mandarin-speaking people that it's made me question myself. And I've met so many other people that I would just *love* to be able to talk to and get to know and build relationships with, but it's pretty much impossible because we can't communicate. Of course this is one of those 'stages' I guess I was supposed to be prepared for, but it has just hit me hard. So as I was sitting on the back of that bike tonight, watching the cars drive by us, periodically looking up at the few visible stars, listening to my brother and his friend talk away, praying for their conversation, etc, etc, God brought that verse back to my mind... and He spoke to me pretty clearly. If the words He spoke to my heart would have been verbalized, I feel they could have gone something like this:

Hi daughter, it's Me. I just wanted to remind you tonight that I chose you. I created you exactly the way I wanted you to be, and I chose you to be my very own daughter. I *love* the way you are--exactly the way you are, not the way you want to be... that's why I made you that way. I didn't make you like the other people you've been meeting and wishing you could be more like, because I wanted you to be the way you are for my very special purposes. & I chose you to go to China this year for my very special purposes as well. I know you don't know exactly why you're here... and that you feel pretty inadequate and incompetent right now. But you are, through My strength, perfectly adequate to do exactly what I've called you to do. I will help you learn the things you need to learn to be used for My purposes and My glory, so don't fret. Just remember... you were chosen for China, right here and right now. Don't question who you are. Just know that you are Mine...

 So as much as I'm still feeling heavy and somewhat... just sad or discouraged I guess... those words meant so much to me tonight. I was then able to get some time playing my brother's guitar and just worshiping for a bit, and I ended up playing this song:

Water You turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind
There's no one like You, none like You
Into the darkness You shine, out of the ashes we rise
There's no one like You, none like You

Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is healer
Awesome in power
Our God, our God

Into the darkness You shine, out of the ashes we rise
There's no one like You, none like You

Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is healer
Awesome in power
Our God, our God

And if our God is for us
Then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us
Then what could stand against?

In and of myself, I am completely inadequate. I cannot learn Mandarin. I cannot build meaningful relationships. I cannot accomplish anything in China of any significance. However, thankfully, I do not live life 'in and of myself.' This God that is greater, stonger, higher than any other... healer, awesome in power... that God lives inside of me and wants to do things through me that are much much bigger than I... and if HE is for me, then what on earth, pray tell, is going to be able to stop or stand against me? 

To wrap this up... I am simply in dire need of my Savior to live the life He wants me to live... I ended my time of singing with this song:

I need Thee ev'ry hour, most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford

I need Thee, O I need Thee, every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee

I need Thee ev'ry hour, stay Thou nearby
Temptations lose their power when Thou art night

I need Thee, O I need Thee, every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee

I need Thee ev'ry hour, in joy or pain
Come quickly and abide or life is vain

I need Thee, O I need Thee, every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee

I need The ev'ry hour, teach me Thy will
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill

I need Thee, O I need Thee, every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee

I need Him...every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year, I need Him more than anyone or anything else. I woke up this morning feeling defeated and discouraged, and the overwhelming thought on my mind was, 'Jesus, I need you so SO badly.' I'm ending with that same thought, except I think it's a more hope-filled thought. This morning it was a thought of desperation, filled with despair. Tonight it's a thought of confidence, knowing that--while it's true that I am desperately in need of Him--it's also okay, because I am His, and He is mine... so that need for Him is being met!

In conclusion, for some reason which I do not yet know, I have been chosen for China right now... and the Chooser is much more than capable of using me for that which He has chosen me...

More thoughts...

"And we prayed to our God and set a guard as a protection against them day and night" (Nehemiah 4:9).

So I'm super tired and am not sure how much sense I'll be able to make out of my thoughts right now, but if I don't try now, I might lose them... so I shall try!

I continued on in Nehemiah today, and one of today's verses reminded me of yesterday's. Yesterday, I discussed how Nehemiah first prayed... and then said to the king. Prayer was just a crucial part of everything he did, and he didn't speak to the king without praying first. The verse from today in chapter four showed another instance of praying before acting. Israel's enemies were rising up against them as they tried to rebuild the wall... so while under this serious attack, Nehemiah and the people first prayed... and then set a guard for protection. Both parts were crucial. We should not pray without acting, leaving everything up to God, and taking no responsibility of our own. However, we should also most definitely not act without praying, presuming that any guard we could set up for protection would really protect us against our enemies without the hand of our God. So both are necessary, and I believe the Israelites had a pretty good order here... pray first, then act. They realized, as it says a few verses later, that "by ourselves we will not be able to rebuild the wall" (4:10). They were in dire need of the hand of God intervening as they were faithful to rebuild this wall. But then they also realized that they had to stand up and do their part... so they "labored on the work with one hand and held his weapon with the other" (4:17). I love that picture too! That's how we need to live... laboring for Christ with one hand, and holding our weapons for this spiritual battle we are in with the other! So cool...

One other thing that really hit me from the chapters today was in Nehemiah 6:13. Nehemiah had just met with someone who had encouraged him to hide from his enemies in the temple. He "understood and saw that God had not sent him," but that he had been sent by the enemy. But listen to this verse: "For this purpose he was hired, that I should be afraid and act in this way and sin, and so they could give me a bad name in order to taunt me." How exactly like the enemy is that? He rationalizes sin to us--through fear, desires, or whatever other methods he can find--in order to make us stumble and then be able to taunt us! The enemy is ever so good at making sin seem wonderful at first... and then just as good at taunting us about our failures one second after we've given in. Knowing his tactics is so important in order to stand against them.

Alright, I've used up just about all of the mental capacity I have at the moment, so I certainly hope it made some sort of sense. His word is so beautiful, and I'm loving reading through it. I am so grateful for His love letter to us...

Brief thoughts from a worn traveler... ;)

"So I prayed to the God of heaven. And I said to the king..." (Nehemiah 2:4-5).

So I can't say that this verse has ever stuck out to me before tonight, but it definitely hit me when I read it this time. Nehemiah was in the process of grieving for his people, who had turned away from God, and the broken down wall of Jerusalem. He was cupbearer to the king, who noticed his grief and asked him what was wrong and what Nehemiah was requesting. The verses following these say that Nehemiah was "very much afraid." I suppose he was in a rather precarious situation, grieving over the state of his people--a people that was under captivity of the king with whom he was discussing the matter. But I love Nehemiah's response in this situation. When the king asked him what he was requesting, first, He "prayed to the God of heaven." Then, he "said to the king..." As I read these verses tonight, it just hit me that we should live life this way. No matter what we're facing, no matter how scared we are, no matter how much grief we're struggling with, no matter how immediately we need to respond to a situation, we can pray to our precious Father before and during facing each and every one of those situations. It doesn't say that Nehemiah left the room and fell on his face before God. Don't get me wrong, he had been doing that before this conversation ensued, so that is crucial for us to do. However, Nehemiah also prayed to God right then and there right as he faced the situation as well. God just needs to be this involved in our lives... or rather, we need to involve Him this much! He is so good... and He wants to be this involved. If you keep reading, you see how faithfully God answers those prayers Nehemiah lifted up to Him. Let's give Him the opportunity to show Himself so faithful in our lives as well as we seek His face, shall we? ;)

我的上帝在中国为我打架

Hello from China, Friends! I'm sorry I've done such a terrible job at keeping up with my blog since I left. Things have been pretty crazy since I've been here, and quite honestly I can't believe I've only been here a little over a week. It was one full week, that is for sure! I am trying to send out update e-mails on a somewhat more regular basis though, so if you want to be on that e-mail list, just let me know (supersieg@gmail.com)! I've sent out one update, which is probably more informative than this blog post will be, so I can pass that on to anyone who’s interested. But moving on...

So I was reading my Bible yesterday morning, and I came upon these two verses that really hit home for me:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or dismayed before the king of Assyria and all the horde that is with him, for there are more with us than with him. With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God, to help us and to fight our battles... (2 Chronicles 32:7-8)

Basically, I felt like these verses summed up my adventures here in China so far. For those of you who kept up with my posts before I left the states, you are well aware that I was 'just slightly terrified' about coming to China. I didn't know what to expect... but, at least during the times I was having a hard time walking by faith, I definitely expected to be a disaster here--missing everyone back home, facing loneliness, and just struggling through life in general. God was so patient with me as I tried trusting Him for His faithfulness on this adventure on which He was about to take me. At times, I really was able to rest in Him and trust Him for those promises. At other times, I just fell apart and reverted back to the former fear. All of that said about my fears and expectations for this move… God has been so incredibly faithful and gracious to me. The more I reflect back on my time here, the more awed I am by His faithfulness. He is so good! The only way I have known to 'attempt' to explain this to the people I've talked to back home is that I haven't really been 'me.' I am just naturally a very anxious person, it takes me a long time to adjust to new things, I have a hard time getting to know people and being myself around people I’ve just met, etc. Yet somehow, that girl is not the girl that has been settling into life here in China. Don’t get me wrong… this has all been very out of my comfort zone, and this experience has been stretching me for sure. However, somehow I don’t ‘feel’ that stretched, and I have actually been rather loving and enjoying life here. Instead of being a nervous wreck about all of the training and teaching we were immediately thrown into—having to act completely ridiculous and teach in front of tons of Chinese parents and their kids and my co-workers and trainers and other trainees—I’ve just kind of… done it… without too much of a problem. I’ve also been able to, for the most part, just be myself around many of the new people I’ve met here… instantly clicking with many of them and foreseeing some really awesome friendships. Figuring out life without knowing the language is challenging as well, but I’ve just stepped out and done whatever I’ve needed/known to do, figuring it out as I go. Looking back over these last few sentences, I noticed a lot of ‘I’s’ when, in reality, God has to be doing all of this. That really is the only way I know how to explain it. Before coming here, God told me not to remember the former days—the days when I struggled through new things and lived in defeat for so long before He helped me rise above. He told me that He wanted to do something new… and all I know to say now is that… He really really has. He has done a beautiful new work in me. He is rising above my “arm of flesh” and fighting this battle for me—giving me victory in ways I’ve never experienced before. I am so grateful. I don’t know what this next year holds in store for me. I don’t know what battles I will face. I don’t know what plans the enemy has in store for me. But I do know now more than ever before that I can “be strong and courageous…not…afraid or dismayed…” and that “there are more with us than with…the horde that is with” the enemy. “With us is the LORD our God, to help us and to fight our battles.” God told me again and again before I came here that He was fighting for me. Sometimes I believed Him, and other times I didn’t know how to believe Him for that when I felt so defeated. But He has shown me just how much He meant that and how faithful He is to really fight for me. His words are more real than ever before: “I will never leave you nor forsake you”…even in China…so, even in China, I “can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me” (Hebrews 13:5-6)? Nothing... not when my God is fighting for me.

Wiser Words :)

So it seems my blog is becoming more full of other people's words than my own... but that might not be a bad thing... becauuuse, I would argue that other people have some much wiser things to say than what would be flowing from my fingertips at this point. So I shall again share something I just read that really encouraged me. Hope you enjoy. :)

Good things are ahead for you this week!

Posted: 29 Aug 2011 07:03 AM PDT

I open my email. I glance over my to-do list. I look at the appointments on my calendar.
It seems like it will be an ordinary week.
And yet...
Something inside me, something inside you, longs for extraordinary.
I tend to think that those kind of moments just aren't part of our day-to-day.
What if it's more that I'm not always looking for them?
Or that I sometimes rush past them even when they're in my path?
I think of the story of Moses and the burning bush. Moses is in the middle of the desert tending sheep, the equivalent of being in the middle of a work day for us today. Yours might happen in a cubicle in your kitchen with toddlers around your feet, in an airport.
And right there in the middle of that ordinary, God shows up. 
I love what comes next...
"When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush...." Exodus 3:4 
When Moses stopped to pay attention.
When he took time to notice the extraordinary.
When he turned aside from his to-do list...God changed everything. 
Yes, there are seasons when we're simply called to be faithful, to do the simple and even unnoticed. But you just never know when it's going to be your time for a burning bush moment. You never know when God is going to step in and do the gloriously unexpected. We don't have to make it happen. We only have to be watchful and then willing.
It makes me smile to write these words.
Because our burning bush might be just around the corner. 
Maybe today.
Maybe tomorrow.
Let's keep watching, keep waiting--God has more than we can even imagine ahead!

It's all about perspective...

So I got an e-mail from a friend today, and it gave me such sweet, fresh perspective... so I wanted to share it with you all. Hope it's as encouraging to you as it was to me. I love how God gives us what He knows we need. He's been doing *a lot* of that lately that I'll have to share more about soon. Until then... here's a perspective awakener. :)

THE VISION OF CHILDREN

When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are
going to take over my yard. My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white
fluff you can wish on.

When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty
person who probably wants money and I look away. My kids see someone
smiling at them and they smile back.

When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much
rhythm so I sit self consciously and listen. My kids feel the beat and
move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make
up their own.

When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing
up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close their eyes,
spread their arms and fly with it until they fall to the ground laughing.

When I pray I say Thee and Thou and grant me this, give me that. My kids
say, “Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad
dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss
my Mommy and Daddy.”

When I see a mud puddle, I step around it. I see muddy shoes and clothes
and dirty carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to
cross and worms to play with.

I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from?

No wonder God loves the little children!!

Author Unknown

A Weary Heart

So 18 days and counting until I fly out to China. The past few days, reality has hit  more than ever before, and it is tough. On top of that, multiple other arenas of life have decided to crash in around me. So basically, I just need your prayers. The enemy is doing a pretty good job of beating me down, and my heart is so so weary. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle... or even more like I don't have any fight left in me and I'm just losing. I think bits of truth are trying to get through to me, but it's like they can't break through my wearied heart. So please pray for me.

"I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies (2 Samuel 22:4).