Break me...

Why do I feel like I'm dying inside?

How can life so quickly feel so scary... so painful... so hopeless...?

What do I do with these feelings?

I know they are just that... they are feelings. Yet I feel my feelings so strongly... it seems like I feel them more deeply than others. I am so *real* that when I feel these things, I don't know how to live above them... how to disregard them as the insignificant feelings that they are.

I feel like I'm drowning in them.

How can my heart change so quickly?

How can I so quickly lose sight of what I know to be true, real hope and replace it with drowning despair?

I long to be understood. And yet I know I am not. Except by One... but I feel I have lost connection with Him. I am faking it with the only One who understands me... the only One who knows me inside and out and yet still loves me. I long to be in love with Him again.

I need to be broken. But I don't know how. I'm becoming numb and don't want to be broken. So I live on the surface, unwilling to go deeper... unwilling to experience brokenness.

Break me... please, break me, Jesus...