So I'm going to China. The countdown is 55 days... I've known for about 7 days (since July 7th) that I was going... and what a journey those days (along with the preceding few weeks and months) have been... such a journey that I decided it should probably be documented. I'm a pretty informal writer, so the documentation won't be anything special. But I'll try to be genuine and just share my heart and what God is teaching me on this journey. So much has happened in the past month that I'm not quite sure where to start. So here goes some sort of attempt to put things into some sort of order...
This China door basically jumped up out of nowhere on June 21st when I was online searching for some more tutoring positions. But God had been preparing my heart for it. I've been reading the book Radical, and He's been rocking my world. So even before finding this position, I'd been questioning what exactly I was 'supposed' to be doing with my life. Because of where He had me with all of that, finding the China opportunity was very interesting, but I didn't think it would go anywhere. I sent in my resume and cover letter and heard back within 16 minutes from the hiring person setting a date for a skype interview. Alrighty then...
This skype interview happened the next Wednesday, June 29th, and it seemed to go well. I still, however, didn't think anything would happen with it at this point, since I was supposed to be here for my little sister coming to Liberty in the fall, and since I had interviewed with an adoption agency with which I was really excited about working. After not hearing back from the adoption agency--and just trying to mentally sort through everything--I asked God to shut the adoption agency door if He wanted me to go to China. Ask and ye shall receive? The very next day, I was praying again... asking God to shut the door--just as He had done at other times in my life--clearly and powerfully removing that other option if China was His plan for me. Soon after I finished this prayer, the adoption agency called back. Long story short, the position that had seemed so perfect before had changed into a public relations/marketing position for which I was no longer really qualified. Aaaand... door #1 closed. Bam.
I started crying before I even got off the phone. I had told God I would go to China if He wanted me there. But what was I thinking? I couldn't go to China. I couldn't leave my family... my friends... Carmen... Andrew... I couldn't move to another country where nobody would understand me and where nobody would be there to support me. I couldn't this... I couldn't that... I couldn't... couldn't... couldn't... it was quite an overwhelming moment. But the beautiful realization hit me through the tears that God had been orchestrating this moment. The reasons for the timing of this open door all started to play before my eyes like a movie, and I voiced aloud through the tears, "This is good... this is exciting." God gently showed me His ever-faithful hand in the past months and years and how He had been using my time here for beautiful things... and preparing me for this next adventure at the same time. This was good... this is good.
So that is a rough summary of the beginning of this new journey. Since that beginning I feel I have faced deeper, more powerful spiritual warfare than I've ever experienced. I'll share that later, so I can get some sleep now. But in closing, despite the chaos I have felt inside of me and am still struggling through, God is so good. He will have victory, and I can rest in knowing that He is fighting for me.
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